When we started the college application process with our son, we were quickly reminded of just how much things have changed since our own college days. It can feel overwhelming, but there are ways to approach it thoughtfully and strategically to keep both your stress and expenses in check.

TL;DR: start early (beginning of junior year), have a plan, do college visits, let them lead the way, and know your deadlines.

Before we get started, I want to address something: college is not for everyone, and that’s okay. Whether your child is considering a gap year, trade school, other career paths, just wants to work for a while, or has no idea what they want to do, value their unique journey and support them in finding a meaningful and fulfilling post-high school experience.

Ask them if they want to go to college. Encourage your child to explore alternatives if traditional college doesn’t feel like the right fit. Are there people in your community they can talk with about their career paths? Are there mentors they can meet with who could help them find their calling?

If your child does want to go to college, here are some things we learned along our journey that might help you too.

Do College Rankings Matter?

During this process, you may wonder: What if my kid doesn’t get into a top-ranked school? What if they get into a top ranked school and we can’t afford it? What will my friends and family think about my child’s college admissions? What if my child chooses a school no one’s heard of, or one in another country? First up: please remember that this is not about you.

The truth is, while top-ranked schools, name brand colleges, and Ivy League universities often get a lot of attention, studies show that paying a premium for a "name-brand" school doesn’t necessarily lead to better life outcomes. In many cases, students who attend large public universities or lesser-known institutions graduate and create their own happy, successful lives, often with far less debt.

I attended an Ivy League university and had a wonderful college experience and have enjoyed lifelong friends. When I consider my own life outcomes (career, income, fulfillment, friends, etc.) compared to the price of my education, I’ve often wondered if it was really worth the money and stress. Would I be in the same place if I attended a large state school or a small college that offered me a full ride? It’s impossible to know the alternative universe, but I bet I would. One could argue the value of the Ivy League network, but I can attest that none of my career opportunities came from Ivy League networking. They resulted from my own efforts and connections I made in my career.

I believe the value placed on a highly-ranked education is often inflated, and the financial strain of attending these institutions may not be worth it for many families. But the talk about them is unavoidable in high school circles. I overheard one parent telling another how their child was at Penn State, but “she got into Cornell” in the same breath.

It’s crucial to ignore “The Joneses" in your community, who often discuss their kids applying to these schools, which can create unnecessary competition, stress, and anxiety for everyone.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing. Focusing on what’s best for your child—rather than comparing yourself to others—will help you maintain perspective. What matters most is finding the right fit for your kid, a place where they can thrive academically, socially, and emotionally. If those pillars are in place, success and happiness will follow naturally.

Pro Tip: Consider fit over fame. Focus on finding a school where your child will grow and thrive, both academically and personally. The best school for them is the one that meets their needs, not necessarily the one with the highest ranking.

Academic Performance Really Matters

We learned from applying to both American and Canadian colleges that one of the most important factors in college admissions is the academic record. Consistent high grades demonstrate discipline, dedication, and readiness for the challenges of college life. But it’s not just about a perfect GPA for all four years. Colleges also look for trends. If the student struggled early on but improved later, that growth can be seen as a positive trajectory.

Advanced Placement (AP) or honors classes might also help showcase your student’s academic ambition, as long as they’re maintaining solid performance. We learned that loading up on AP classes (or even taking any) is not critical to college admissions, even at competitive schools. If your child struggles with AP classes or simply doesn’t want the stress, in many cases it’s fine to take Honors level or Standard level courses. The advice we’ve heard is that it’s better to excel in Honors than receive mediocre marks in AP courses. Most importantly, this approach can help reduce stress and anxiety, and ensure a happier kid.

Pro Tip: Staying on top of grades, especially in junior and senior years, is a top priority. However, don’t sacrifice mental health for the sake of perfection, whether real or perceived. Balance is key!

The Real Cost of College

In short, most of us can’t afford to write a check for a college education. College is insanely expensive. If you’re worried about paying for college but have not built your own retirement savings to where it needs to be, please prioritize the latter. Your child can always get a loan or merit aid for college, but there aren’t any subsidies for retirement. To clearly understand what you will need to pay, you should map out how you will cash flow college, on a spreadsheet that includes all your savings, income sources, and any cash gifts towards paying for college. Please do not go into this process blind, on hope, or with the thought that it will all work out. You need to know what you can pay and what you need to borrow. Financial planning for college is critical.

To determine what each college will actually cost you, create a spreadsheet budget that maps out all the expenses you’ll incur for each college over 4 years. This includes, but is not limited to, tuition, room and board, books, travel to and from the college (flights/gas), computer, software, cell phone, off-campus rent/utilities/groceries for upper-class years, clothes, furniture and living supplies, entertainment, fun money, laundry, personal care, medical, and study abroad fees. Use each college’s Net Price Calculator to determine an estimate of what you’ll pay based on income. Our total costs at different schools varied widely based on these factors, from $90k up to $270k for four years. Involve your child in discussions about costs of the different schools; be transparent about what you can contribute, and what they will be responsible for. Explain to them how loans and interest work.

Pro Tip: Do the math and have a plan. If you need help budgeting and saving for college, hit me up!

Do Your Homework on Affordability 

Quickly, we realized that cost was going to play a huge role in the decision of where our son applied. Since we don’t qualify for financial aid and full price is still out of reach for us, we needed to be resourceful and open-minded. We also looked outside of the U.S. and found many great schools for far less cost and comparable or superior education quality. For the American schools we considered, ones that offer significant merit-based scholarships became a priority. A merit-based scholarship is a type of college scholarship awarded to students who meet or exceed certain standards (usually grades), independent of need. For example, if your child has a 3.5 GPA, they might receive $5,000 per year in merit aid. If they have and maintain a 3.9 GPA, they might receive $10,000 per year in merit aid. The amounts are determined by the school and are generally published on the school website. Merit is kind of ridiculous in that American tuition prices are so inflated, it seems like you’re just getting a coupon that most families would receive anyway. I call it College Kohl’s Cash. Nonetheless, it’s free money and will lower your bill.

And even though our son is a lefty baseball pitcher, we found that academic scholarships are way more likely and available than athletic scholarships. In fact, the average athletic scholarship is about $5,000 versus $11,000 for academic awards. It pays to hit the books harder than the field. 

Pro Tip: Start with a list of schools within your budget, both public and private, and research merit-based scholarships that your student might qualify for. To understand how merit works, check out the book *Who Gets In and Why* by Jeffrey J. Selingo.

Unless You’re Early, You’re Late

With input from friends, his guidance counselor, and even us (!), throughout junior year our son gradually built a list of potential colleges. One of the best strategies we used to narrow down choices was to visit in person, scheduling tours at a variety of schools: urban, suburban, and rural; private and public; small liberal arts colleges versus large universities; and schools across different regions, like the Northeast and West. These visits gave him a sense of the environments he preferred and allowed him to see the colleges “in action” to determine if they were a good fit. We also had plenty of time to adjust his application list as needed.

In total, we visited about 20 schools, and he applied to 7 in both the U.S. and Canada. Starting early made all the difference. By summer before senior year, he had a solid list, which allowed him to focus on his essays and applications in August and September, well ahead of deadlines and without added stress. This process has brought very little stress to him and us, largely because we had a plan and started early.

Pro Tip: Schedule tours at a variety of schools starting the summer after 10th grade to help narrow down preferences before senior year. If in-person visits aren’t feasible, virtual tours are a great alternative. DO NOT submit applications the day they are due, or even the week of. Our son submitted his applications a month before they were due. Days after he submitted, we were alerted there was missing information. Submitting weeks ahead of the deadline gives you time to request, collect, and submit missing pieces in case you need to.

Let Your Child Lead the Way 

When visiting colleges, it’s important to let your child express their impressions and opinions before you chime in. Be Switzerland. This is their journey; giving them space to process their thoughts will help them feel more ownership over the decision and help them develop “adulting” skills when they go out on their own in one short year! 

Pro Tip: After each visit, ask your child for their thoughts before sharing yours. Ask open-ended questions to help them process and form their feelings and opinions, like “What stood out to you most?” or “What didn’t you like about the campus?” Wrap up the discussion by asking them what questions they still have about the school and what the next steps would be to get those answers.

Prioritize Mental Health 

Junior and senior years can be overwhelming. Between classes, standardized test prep, extracurriculars, sports, college planning, and the looming unknowns, your child may feel stretched thin. Parents can also get anxious about this process. Be the model: help your child dial back and remind them it’s all going to be okay. There’s a great school out there for them! 

Pro Tip: Check in with your child regularly, not only about academics and their applications, but also their well-being. Make time for downtime. Set a schedule and process upfront to reduce micromanaging. Encourage mental health breaks, like dropping an elective or reducing extracurriculars if needed. Also, make sure you’re doing okay, too. Take time together in your last year with them.

Encourage Independence and Communication

As much as we want to stay involved parents, this is an opportunity for your child to learn to take charge. (They will be on their own in a year, after all!) Step back where possible but maintain regular check-ins to gauge their progress, stress levels, and interests. Open-ended questions were key for us in fostering deeper conversations.

Pro Tip: Let your child manage the process but schedule weekly check-ins. Ask questions like “What are you enjoying about your volunteer work?” instead of “How’s it going?”

Essays, Deadlines, and Applications

Finally, essays and applications are time-consuming but critical. Get a head start on essays during the summer before senior year. Setting up a designated email address for college communications will also help keep things organized. Your child needs to write their own essays, and it’s OK if they don’t seem prize-winning. A 17 year-old wrote it. Curb the desire to intervene and “improve” their writing. Colleges know when a parent has had a heavy hand in applications, and it may hurt them. As much as you may want to change something in their essay, remember it’s their journey.

Pro Tip: Encourage early work on essays during the summer before senior year. Set up a new email specifically for college-related communications. Hire a professional college essay consultant to give constructive feedback on their essays, while still allowing the writing to be theirs. Please do not use AI to write or edit college essays.

Enjoy the Journey

The process can be emotionally charged, especially as a parent who wants the best for their child. But remember, this is their journey. Support them in making the decision that’s right for them, and trust that the right school for them is out there, whether it’s a big-name university or a lesser-known college in a quiet town. At the end of the day, it’s about finding a place where your child can thrive. If you can support and enjoy these “lasts” with them, you'll be proud knowing you've helped them grow into the adult they’re becoming.