Have you ever heard someone—maybe even yourself—say, “We can’t afford that?” Whether it was for something small like dining out or big like a beach house, the phrase “we can’t afford it” is one that we all have used at some point in our lives. It might seem harmless, but this type of language indicates a negative mindset around money and can hold you back from achieving your financial goals.

So what do you do if you find yourself using this phrase?

Acknowledge the Habit: Identify When and Why You are Saying “We Can’t Afford That”

We often find ourselves saying “We Can’t Afford That” without considering the implications of that statement. This phrase is actually an indication of our money mindset - a way in which we view and talk about our finances. There are some common reasons why people might say this:

1. Feeling overwhelmed and out of control about their financial situation. It could be due to debts, lack of income, no financial goals, or just feeling like there isn't enough money coming in to cover all the bills each month.

2. Lack of financial prioritizing. A potentially high-cost and desired purchase may seem unaffordable but with some prioritizing, planning, and saving, it might be possible.

3. Attempting to restrict spending. This could be an attempt to undo or change spending behavior that has induced guilt or shame, or control money instead of being controlled by it.

4. Not truly understanding their personal cash flow. Having a budget allows them to gain clarity on the exact amount of money they are earning each month, track where it is being spent, and reallocate funds to expenses based on choice and intention.

Understanding What Money Really Is to You

Money can be a stressful and even overwhelming subject for many people. It’s often seen as something to be feared or despised, but this doesn't have to be the case; you just need to change your perception of money by understanding what it really is and that either it can control you, or you can control it.

Start by looking at money beyond its dollar value; understand that it represents more than just numbers on a page or bills in the bank. Money has a strong emotional aspect, being tied up with self-worth, security, independence, and power – both financial and personal – so changing our attitudes around money means shifting how we think about these things too.

Visualization: Changing Your Perception of Money

Changing your attitude about money is the first step toward making actionable, real changes in your financial situation and financial habits. Try replacing "We Can't" with "How Can We?" This encourages problem solving strategies which allows us to take ownership over our situation, giving us hope and motivation.

When you start thinking positively about money instead of negatively then you open yourself up not only to new possibilities financially but also psychologically because you remove limiting beliefs that hold you back from achieving success with finances. Visualizing yourself paying off your mortgage, having enough money saved for retirement, taking vacations when desired, retiring early, etc. are great ways to shift into a positive mindset about your funds.

To do this, close your eyes and ask yourself, “What does having enough money saved for retirement look like? What does it feel like?” The greater the clarity and realism in your visualization, the more impactful it will become. Practice often, envisioning yourself in that particular scenario, employing your senses and emotions to their fullest extent.

Reframe How You Think About Spending and Saving with Actions

If you’re in the habit of saying “We can’t afford that,” then it might be time to shift your mindset from scarcity to abundance. Saving money isn't just about cutting back; making wise financial decisions is key to regaining control, understanding, and building your finances. Here are action strategies reframing your thoughts about money.

1. Make Savings an Active, Intentional Decision. Rather than feeling like giving up something means missing out, think about ways adding more funds into your emergency fund could increase security down the line. Consider setting specific goals when opening new accounts so that there's motivation behind why you're putting away extra cash each month – whether it's paying off credit card debt, building a nest egg for retirement or vacation expenses.

2. Look at Your Needs vs. Wants. It may help to separate needs from wants to prioritize where budget cuts need to be made without sacrificing important things like food costs or medical care bills in favor of luxury items such as vacations or a new outfit. Keep track of what comes out every month and decide if those expenses will benefit long-term plans (like investments) versus short-term gains (like splurging on Amazon). That way, resources won't feel squeezed unnecessarily while still accomplishing financial objectives over time.

3. Change Your Mentality About Money. Seek to have positive conversations surrounding finances with friends and family members who understand saving instead focusing solely on spending and purchasing. This helps break through any negative thought patterns that money is just to be spent. If you need a fresh and healthy perspective, working with a financial counselor or financial coach can provide accountability and insight.

4. Practice Gratitude for What You Have Already Earned, Own, & Accomplished. Practicing gratitude is one way to help change this mentality, by focusing on what you do have in your life versus obsessing over material things you feel like you need or want – or that others have – in order to be happy. Gratitude has been proven scientifically time and again as an effective antidote for negative thinking patterns. Remind yourself of all the positive financial steps or achievements you’ve already made. Give yourself credit for the successes, no matter how small!

5. Stop Comparing Finances with Others Around You. You can't control what others do with their money or how much they earn. Instead, focus on taking control of your own finances. It's easy to compare yourself to others on social media, but there's so much we don't know about their financial situation. Comparing yourself to others won't help you financially and will feed into the “we can’t afford that” mentality. It's more productive to focus on your own journey and goals. You've got this!

Talk the Talk – What to Say Instead

Here are some alternatives of what to say, instead of “we can’t afford that”:

• We’re spending our money on other priorities and experiences right now.

• Spending money on X makes it harder to reach our goals for Y.

• Our funds are allocated towards other priorities right now.

• That sounds wonderful, but our budget is X and we’re looking for items in that price range.

• That's not in our current spending plan, but we’ll consider budgeting it in the future.

• We're choosing to allocate our resources differently.

• It's not aligned with our financial priorities right now.

• We're opting for more cost-effective alternatives.

• Our budget for that type of purchase is X.

• We're working on building our financial stability first.

• We're being mindful of our financial goals at the moment.

• We're making conscious decisions about our spending.

• That’s not in our spending priorities right now.

What Do I Say to My Kids?

With kids, I advocate involving them in healthy and productive conversations about money starting when they’re learning the concept in preschool or kindergarten. Instead of shutting down the conversation with “we can’t afford that” (which may or may not be true), how about opening it up, creating a teachable moment for financial priorities and saving with some of these conversation starters?

• Let's take a look at our budget and see if we can save for it.

• We need to prioritize how we spend our money, so let's talk about what's most important right now.

• How about we set a savings goal to work toward getting that item?

• It's important to plan our spending carefully, so let's see if this fits into our plans.

• We're being mindful of our money, so let's think about how we can make this purchase responsibly.

• We can explore ways to earn extra money to save for what you want.

• Let's see if there are similar items that are more affordable and still meet your needs.

• We're making smart choices with our money now, so let’s talk about a way to save for this if it's important to you.

• How about we research and compare prices to find the best deal?

• We're teaching you about money management, so let's learn how saving and budgeting can help you get what you want.

• What do you think we could do to save up for it?

• Let's discuss whether this item is a want or a need.

• We're teaching you the value of money, so let's find a way to work toward it together.

• Let's explore whether this fits into our family's financial goals.

• We can make a plan to gradually save for what you want.

• It's important to make thoughtful choices with our money, so let's think it through.

• We're building good financial habits, so let's consider how this purchase fits into our plans.

• Let's talk about setting up a budget in your allowance and see how you can save for this.

It can be challenging to break entrenched habits and attitudes, but with practice, you can learn to silence that inner voice saying “we can’t afford that”. Taking small steps like acknowledging the habit, reframing your thinking about spending and saving, staying conscious of your goals while shopping, and finding ways to increase income make all the difference. And don't forget to give yourself room for pleasure in life – you can budget for that, too! With a positive money mindset, it's entirely possible for you to take control of your financial future.